Still Me Still Mad

It was those eyes...those crazy little eyes

Critique-as-you-listen, Amy Diamond edition!

1. Amy Diamond - Big Guns

Oh man, music hall player-piano meets poopy bass meets Amy Diamond stompin’ and swaggerin’ in a Swedish saloon made out of Nerf, or maybe the Korova milk bar that actually just serves milk, 13 and under. Don’t mess with the best, kid. Have a cookie and some television. Damn, she’s kickin’ ass all over this song, whoa shift into minor-key carnival chorus. Who are the big guns speaking for the young ‘uns? Y’know Amy’s delivery is pretty sharp. [Note: The song is about kids being force-fed mass entertainment/junk. Ha. Amy, you realize you could make these same kids your slaves for life, right? "My young allies"..."Get with the program/ The real truth's coming from the youth/ Check what I'm singing/ Respect our opinion/ Pie in the sky/ We don't have that anymore." Way more dangerous than cookies.]

2. "Don’t Cry Your Heart Out"

Already heard this on the Swedish chart stream but sounds better in context. Man, those “doo doo doo”’s sound vicious after taking this guy to task for being such an emo schmuck. [Wait, is this the anti-emo song? I swear she’s making fun of this guy...] Desolate and chirpy at the same time…doo-doo-doom.

3. "My Name Is Love"

Haha, this album rollicks. And is therefore rollicking. Wow, Amy Diamond multi-track funhouse mirror harmonies are sweet. Crams a lot of STUFF into the song, quick glissandos, a washboard (?), some glock, fingersnaps.

4. "That’s Life"

Now she sounds like Hilary Duff to me for some reason. Except no Hilary sounds this hyperactive. I think that this entire album is approximating the eerie shade of blue in Amy’s eyes in that press photo I commented on a while back. Draws you in at a glance (at the glance?) and you’re kinda mesmerized before you realize that you might also be terrified. This music is giving me heart palpitations. Oh damn, she just ripped off “you can plan pretty picnic but you can’t predict the weather” almost verbatim. Another abrupt ending.

5. "All the Money in the World"

Slows down a bit but not quite into ballad territory [EDIT: Nah, it's a ballad]. I feel like I’m missing lyrics here...“I’m happy as it is/ Thoughts Love still counts for something...” thoughts LOVE makes her rich. Well, maybe this album will help. Great use of strings and Beatle-horns. And, uh, these guitar solos have all worked so far even though I’m not sure any of these songs have actually required the use of guitar.

6. "Don’t Lose Any Sleep Over You"

Haha when Amy goes vibrato it’s like listening on the wrong speed. Dude, They Might Be Giants coulda written this circa Flood. Except they would have killed the ambient sound and kept it closer to the “jazzy” (some dissected approximation of “jazzy” that works better than jazzy anyway) horn section, all the sounds clinically separated. She’s getting away with a lot of angst in the lyrics, too, whenever I can pay attention. Yet another abrupt ending.

7. "Diamonds"

Further into TMBG territory, plodding minor-key cartoon theatrics, animated skeletons dancing. This is both a great summer album and a great Halloween album, maybe good for an unusually warm Halloween. Haha the first sarcastic (maybe just silly) guitar solo. Borrows at random from “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend”...actually just references the title.

8. "Life’s What You Make It"

Now I don’t even know what the hell is going on. I’m hearing some “Fido Your Leash Is Too Long” or something, and plenty of laser gun FX. Amy Diamond has a way of surrounding clichés with enough weirdness to either render them irrelevant or actually provide some context to reconsider them. Not in any meaningful way, just the passing thought that hey, this cliché isn’t so bad. Life’s what you make it, right? Live every moment like it’s your last, but I imagine Amy Diamond smiling and laughing maniacally with her eyes.

9. "No Regrets"

A little bit Sesame Street a little bit XTC. That goes for the whole album sort of, but definitely this song. “Everything works out for the best/ We’ll get it together/ We had to settle for a draw, that’s all.” No lost pride on either side. Uh huh. Anyone who calls a draw with Amy Diamond probably got his/her ass beat. Like she just schooled some guy in ping-pong or sex or something but they weren’t “keeping score” and she said, oh, we’ll call it a draw. [SMILE WITH CRAZY EYES]

10. "It Can Only Get Better"

First ballad to speak of and it works. Amy’s voice is slathered over this album like cream cheese, doesn’t so much ground the music as covers it, thick, gooey vocals except after each track there’s this abrupt BEAT (silence) and there’s just...something...wrong. Like you know she’s crazy, she’s completely mad. She can’t “get better” because she can’t “get hurt” because she is inhuman. She’s like...I dunno, the robot girl on Small Wonder. I bet she’s a psychopath. I bet she gets paid in gold bullion so that currency won't fluctuate, like ABBA (is that just a rumor?), and she has oil money and she drinks tea and reads the stock exchange and giggles and then flashes a look back and it freezes “Thriller” style except the eyes don't change color because they are already crazy.

xx. "What’s In It For Me" [first album, next in iTunes playlist]

Um...the album is over??????? I’m gonna have nightmares tonight. Just like last night, and the night before that. Last night the Pillsbury Doughboy tried to kill me by glomming onto my ankle (somebody else finally cut him off but his little hands were still stuck to my leg) but tonight it’s going to be AMY DIAMOND the CRAZY-EYEZ KILLAH.