Who? Who?? Wait, I can't hear you. I still have bananas in my ears.
It's very enjoyable sometimes! The new Mike Jones album is utterly, utterly shameless. In a literal sense of the word -- dude can say any ridiculously embarrassing shit and kind of smile afterwards, like, well, yeah, that may seem embarrassing, but you're listening to my album right now (Mike Jones) and falling for (Mike Jones) my dumbass Kevin Nealon schtick so who (Mike Jones) should really be ashamed here?
And he's right! Totally fell for it (Mike Jones).
Most shameless, i.e. best, track on here is actually not particularly embarrassing at all (most embarrassing is probably the "horny as hell" one -- rhymes with "call me on my cell," natch, and the punchline is "so I can do some damage to you"...but actually Mike gets away with only the second-most embarrassing verse, after some dickhead [hm...evocative] describes in near-medical detail the kinds of excretions that will occur before he jets after a quickie). That would be "Happy Birthday," which is to birthdays as "I'm on a Boat" is to boats.
IF IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, THEN HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yes. Thank you! I will be sure to listen to this on February 22nd, 2010. Which is my birthday. On which date everybody will be watching me. Everybody watching me. Everybody watching me. Everybody watching me. (Hm, when I do that it seems creepy.)
CALL ME ON MY CELL [INSERT CELL NUMBER] AND I'LL COME OVER FOR YER BIRTHDAY.
Mike Jones is already booking himself for birthday parties. Even though he keeps reminding us how well his career is going, what with him having a second album and all. Come to think of it, Mike Jones is weirdly defensive about the fact that this is his second album. Who's defensive? Mike Jones. Who? Mike Jones. I'd be defensive, too -- LOOK AT HOW MANY MIKE JONESES THERE ARE ON WIKIPEDIA! Let alone in the phone book. I feel ya, man.
(Wow, he is listed third in the second category -- after 16 athletes -- behind a jazz musician, some guy who wrote a mob movie with Matt Dillon, and whatever this is: "fictional protagonist of the video game StarTropics and its sequel Zoda's Revenge: StarTropics II.")
I like that his "A Milli" rip is aware enough of being a rip to name-drop the original, but ambivalent enough about it to bury the reference about three or so minutes into the song.
I like that he has a song dedicated to his grandma, and that it's kind of lighthearted and not too weepy. Just...hey, grandma. You were pretty great. Thanks! Yes, Mike Jones (Mike Jones), thank you. You seem like a nice boy. Stop singing about doing damage to young women.
I didn't think that Mike Jones was that fat, but he seems to mention this a lot. The cover of his album doesn't make it appear as though he's that fat, does it?
Another tick for (Mike Jones) defensiveness (Mike Jones).
Anyway, (Dave Moore) that's pretty much all I have to say (Dave Moore) about Mike Jones (Dave Moore). (The first entry's a frickin' BOTANIST and I [Dave Moore] don't even get a mention??)
I'm finding Tumblr to be frustratingly hard to give a shit about, and may dump it as a format, nice though it was for de-logjamming my brane. My semester is ending soon, and my sleep patterns are already trending toward "stay up too late with too little to do," which means BLOG RENAISSANCE is on!
Not really (Dave Moore), but I might nuke the Tumblr (Dave Moore). You'll have to pry my (Dave Moore) Twitter from my cold (Dave Moore) dead (Dave Moore) fingers (Dave Moore).
How is it that Mike Jones is mattering more than Cam'ron? Who was expecting this? (Well, mattering more to me, but what matters to me about hip-hop these days is becoming almost random.) Have yet to hear the album but he's got a couple of sure things for my end of the year top 80 ("Na Na Nana Na Na" and "Precious"), would have a third if I hadn't decided to count the remix of "Pop Champagne" as last year.
ReplyDeleteI'm finding it hard to predict just about anything these days. This year will likely be my most batshit top ten in recent years, in the sense that more records than normal will possess a quality of totally unexpected (by me) greatness, whether it's my own fault (not paying enough attention to The-Dream the first time around), the artist's fault (Lily Allen transitioning to a sound that pulled me in far more quickly/easily so'se I could concentrate on her storytelling more than the first time out), or the universe's fault (Chris Cornell, who won't make the cut).
ReplyDeleteAs for Mike Jones, I haven't heard either of those tracks but the last time I even remotely cared about him was when he guested on that Missy Elliott song way back. Though this remix of "Still Tippin'" with music from the Nintendo 64 version of "Legend of Zelda" finds a way to transforming the dusky melancholy of the original into a fairy fountain. (This was the game I played while absorbing about 60% of my understanding of pop music when I was about 15-16.)
Cam'ron tries to out-shameless Mike Jones on his new album but fails. Admirable attempt, though: "milk milk lemonade, round the corner fudge is made, cookies with some apple JOOOUUce, I'm just tryna get paid."
ReplyDeleteGets closer on this one. Tough call.
ReplyDelete