BREAKING NEWS in the War on Lindsay!

TO VICOTRY!

Sisters and brothers, brothers and sisters, fellow travelers, bedbugs, lurkers, and image googlers, it is a big day.

Well, maybe the big day was a couple of days ago.

Perhaps the big day came sometime within the past eight months, even, when I wasn't really paying attention, making this something of an aftershock/nail in coffin, but the point is that the Big Day has BY NOW come and gone.

John McCain, acting fully within his power as a crazy-ass desperite(R)(TM) summabitch, has forever altered the language -- and landscape -- of the War on Lindsay.

Until now, Lindsay Lohan has been a crucial figure in the Axis of Shevil. But, like North Korea before her, Lindsay has (seemingly) reformed her behavior (kissed a girl, liked it?) and now McCain's ineffectual bitch-slap of an ad campaign has finally and possibly irrevocably changed our lives 4ever.

JUST WATCH.



And now ask yourself this simple question.

Where was Lindsay Lohan in that montage?

WHERE WAS SHE?!?!?!?!?!?!

She was NOWHERE, that's where.

And so, it is my duty to announce that the terminology that we have used for nearly two years to document this potent threat to our *mumbles* is officially outdated. The War on Lindsay is no more. The Axis has but two powers, both waning now that we have slowly CRUSHED THEM for reasons that are so obvious to everyone that they don't bear repeating, or even articulating. And our wurds must reflect this.

Therefore, I hereby nominate:

The Ongoing Struggle Against the Symbolic Slutocracy.*

That is all. I encourage you to try to carry on with your lives with some semblance of normalcy.

*The Symbolic Slutocracy, of course, shouldn't be confused with wannabe B-level scrappers, post-raunch hoar-pop, or yer random rich bitches out there. The Symbolic Slutocracy STANDS (in) for something, something important. Something without which the very FABRIC of our society might be reduced to CHAOS because it is a THIN LINE of CRAZY that separates US from CHAOS. For it is only on the flipside of a coin that we find that, yes, even we ourselves are capable of what only we ourselves are capable of. And that is truly frightening.