MySpace Is Still a Company and Bitch I'm the...Guy Who Uses It to Find Music Occasionally. Y'know.

On a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being STAB ME IN THE FACE and 5 being I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ENJOYING THE FUCK OUT OF THIS, how would you rate _____?


Jeremy Greene

The celestial synth wiggles of Justin Timberlake! The awkward slang of Jesse McCartney! The Autotune of everybody! Featured on that Lohan show that doesn't have Lindsay on it! Wow! Guest spot on "Rain": "Somebody call FEMA / I'm Katrina with the cash." Poor taste, Bossman.
**1/2


Echo Jet

From the ashes of Swirl 360 rises...ECHO JET! Pleasant enough power-pop harmonies and, uh, swirling (eek) adult-contempo-rock gentility. Echo effects from U2, vocal affects from nu-Hanson (sorry guys, you aren't getting away from 'em that easy).
**1/2


Rosemary Haskins

Solid Starbucks-skirting singer/songwriter dejected gal indie-pop w/ sprinkle of psych, does not deliver on its promise of didgeridoo. Nashville production, sounds more like something from Athens.
***1/2


Yo Majesty

Good to see that the spirit of "Pussy Monster" is alive and well. Scrappy attempt at a skank-rap party anthem with "Kryptonite Pussy," but it's missing something. Needs less Avenue D, more Trina.
***


Push Play

I don't even have to scour MySpace for unremarkable hair-emo anymore -- just turn on MTV Hits and wait three minutes, provided they aren't playing FNMTV, which is so shrill it's actually unwatchable. Or maybe I'm just old or something (NO). My life has not improved, but I guess these dudes aren't hurting anyone. Wish they would, at least then I'd feel something.
**1/2


Sleeping Naked(TM)

I wasn't aware you could trademark this. Way to ruin it for everyone, assholes.
*


Ms. Lynch
Pretty sure I've covered them before, since they're from B*Witched and I recognize the song "Diet Coke," a mild Kylie rip that isn't really up to par for them. From Kool Aid to Diet Coke and it sounds kind of like it. No fiddle neither! Oh wait, here it is, nee "Keavy and Edele":

Former B*Witched members, needs more jig. Pretty blatant but OK Kylie "Fever" rip with "Diet Coke," which should be a much better song, what with the close-to-home subject matter. Diet soda needs MORE POP SONGS devoted to it. A bit disappointing, but did inspire me to purchase the 2002 Kylie Fever tour DVD just now.

Yes, that DVD was well worth the money. AMAZING.
**1/2


High Heelz

Crazy Germanz! "Hi! Hi! Hi! ...High Heelz!" Sounds like a girl group put together by Flight of the Conchords. "Hi! Ich bien Kiss -- the sexy dream."
[N/A]


The Melismatics

Strange cross between Tim Burton-fetishist emo and the B-52s, with a healthy dose of [insert UK guitar band I don't like]. Lacks melisma.
***