RADIO DIZZY ME

New developments: I’ve been listening to Radio Disney pretty regularly these days, and just started tracking the playlists with personal notes. Comcast cable (which I hope to continue in the fall) has 24-hour RD on channel 540 (in Boston, not sure what it is in Ithaca) and I’ve really been enjoying it. It’s like reliving a teen-age I didn’t allow myself, what with the Radioheads and the At the Drive-Ins and whatever else sowing the seeds of major post-adolescent depression when the bubble burst and I realized that hey, this music kind of makes me want to kill myself a lot. Note to future apartmenteers: Please do not play downer indie music at the dinner table. It just makes the stir-fry experience kind of gloomy.

On the list to purchase: more 60s bubblegum, more early 70s Motown, late 90s to early 00s teenpop.

So Radio Disney is part of all that. And it also intrigues me for another reason: this article that I’ve now linked to at least half a dozen times (if it wasn’t, then now it is) presents a kind of pop music utopia, seemingly appealing to 12-year-olds and 12-year-olds at heart (which would be me, I guess) but actually objectively being the ideal radio station, collapsing pop history into kaleidoscope of no-filler all-sugar bliss. Diabetics must live vicariously in these matters.

I’m going to print my RD musings here, because they have to go somewhere. I’ve avoided a corporate interpretation of the RD phenom for now, in part because unveiling the CORPORATE MECHANISMS of pop seems at cross-purposes of visceral enjoyment, and because it’s a bit too self-righteous a stance for me, someone who still occasionally buys his clothes at the South American abortion-forcin’ GAP, to embrace honestly. I would like to do some research into the ties to major music labels (as you’ll see, every other song is a Disney OST tie-in, but there are other weird under-the-table cash deals, not payola per se, undoubtedly happening here…not sure if it was like this in 2000).

My general thoughts on Radio Disney in 2005 can best be expressed in a patented awkward metaphor: RD c. 2005 is the Leninism to RD c. 2000’s theoretical Marxist utopia. Not a dystopia, exactly (strong words, especially considering I wasn’t actually listening to RD in 2000 myself and am only going on highly caffeinated second-hand accounts), but certainly a compromise. Let’s go more into detail.

August 8, 2005, 9:00 PM (half hour block)

Quad City DJs: Space Jam
Gwen Stefani: Rich Girl
Bowling for Soup: Almost
Crazy Frog: Crazy Frog (Axel F) [#3 of top 3 of the night]
Akon: Lonely [#2 of top 3 of the night]

Thoughts: A warm-up study session. My notes are focused on the Bowling for Soup track. I’d never heard of this band until sometime maybe last year, though I’d seen their albums a lot in Best Buy etc. and thought they seemed kind of schmucky. And they are—I still think “Almost” is a pretty boring song. It was a special request track on Emily’s sister Alissa’s graduation mix (note to self: interview Alissa about her music, because she’s cooler than you and can really shed some light on these things). What’s interesting about this song’s ubiquity is that it seems to appeal primarily to 16 to 17 year-olds. The subject matter certainly caters to mid- not pre-teens (something about that night when we were 16)…but I wonder if this isn’t similar to the Seventeen mag tactic of marketing to 12yos by making them wish they were a few years older. Even if this is the case, it seems to go against MMS’s Radio Disney Dreams, which is a pop format not only catered to, but actually dictated by tweens. Making them want to grow up is, in a Foucauldian sense, a form of subjugation and imposed docility. Where, say, Skye Sweetnam says REBEL NOW YOU CRAZY GIRLS, Bowling for Soup politely asks tweens to wait till they're older to have their cathartic rock-rebel moments. Bowling for Soup in particular whore themselves hardcore on the non-stop commercial barrage that is Radio Disney Comcast edition (were the commercials this ridiculously saturating in MMS’s time frame?). Less worth noting but still kind of interesting (courtesy Comcast fun facts): Bowling for Soup did a (presumably straight? Has to be unironic, at least) cover of “Baby One More Time” and a cover of “Summer of ’69.” Also, what the hell is a “Radio Disney edit,” and why does every other song have one?

August 10, 2005 2:00 PM half hour block

Gwen Stefani: Rich Girl
Kelly Clarkson: Breakaway (Princess Diaries OST)
Destiny’s Child: Independent Woman Pt. 1 (Charlie’s Angels OST)
Crazy Frog: CF Axel F
Lil Romeo: My Cinderella (Princess Diaries OST)

I’m willing to forgive the innumerable OST tie-ins and ignore the simple cash-in argument to a certain extent, because anyone who’s met a member of RD’s key demographic knows that the movie tie-in is essential to exposure…everyone likes The Princess Diaries, so it makes sense they’d cull a shitload from the OST. I’m still not sure how I feel about “Rich Girl,” which I definitely like, but still feel…sort of indifferent to. What single is that from LAMB, like five? My roommate caught shades of inappropriateness in choice of “cover,” with the slightest (slightest) hint of anti-Semitism. I don’t totally disagree, but it’s tepid enough not to be worth caring about s’much. More Crazy Frog. I still like it. I’m just glad that we finally got the right order (ring tone to club, not vice versa) and can now concentrate on a never-ending stream of these kind of booty-shakable club novelties. Hampton the Hamster is still going strong on RD as well (he’ll pop in later). “Breakaway” is too ballad-y, not enough rawk. “Behind These Hazel Eyes” is on right now in the other room. Much preferred…I think I’ll buy Breakaway now. Also must-purchases are these seemingly infinite volumes of Radio Disney Classics or whatever, which are like the NOW series but much better. I would assume.

August 10, 7:30 PM (hour block)

More notes now, so I’ll go track-by-track.

B5: Dance for You
- contains a Bad Boys shout-out...pretty innocuous, B5 seem to be one of the many 5-oriented RD bigwigs. More research later.

Yellowcard: Ocean Avenue
- very recently I wouldn’t have thought of giving this song a chance. This is the first time I ever even heard it, and it’s not all that bad, kind of boring. Another lyric to the effect of “hey things were crazy when we were 16!” seems out of place here. From Comcast: Ryan Key cites Ben Folds Five as his favorite band. I’m still pretty sure I hate Ben Folds in all his incarnations, but heck, maybe I’ll give it another chance? Still, Folds was made by late high school/early undergrad audiences, not 12 year olds, which makes me innately distrust exploring the oeuvre more in depth.

Phil Collins: Two Worlds (from Tarzan OST)
-BOOOOOOOORING. Now I’m going to call corporate tie-in bullshit, on the whole soundtrack. This song is ridiculously nap-inducing. Holy shit it’s on in the other room RIGHT NOW! Oh wait, that’s Train. Same difference. Soft rock snoooooooooooze.

INTERLUDE: “Mom and Pop Karaoke”: “My Mom” (not my mom) sings “Hound Dog.” The real crime here is that it doesn’t actually segue into the Elvis (or Lilo and Stitch) “Hound Dog”!!!!! Instead we go right to:

Weezer: Beverly Hills
-OK, Weezer fanboydom (which was just me being a huge poser in high school anyway) aside, this song seems kind of like a waste of space. Was “I Love Rock and Roll” really so great that we needed a snarky redux version that improbably waters down the best part (the rhythm section) and replaces the second-best part (the vocals) with some faux-confrontational Rivers (wink)-whining about rich people (I think)? Maybe we did. I still appreciate Rivers as a scumbag loser kind of ashamed of himself, as opposed to this scumbag loser who…isn’t. The DJ’s 72 year old neighbor loves this song, maybe we’re seeing a new demographic developing here. Another RD edit.

Mr. C and the Slide Man: Cha-Cha Slide
-now this I can get down with. Oldie but a goodie (I guess) in the RD world, it reminds me of the canned crap we used to learn square-dancing to in elementary school. Which for some reason reminds me of middle school chorus where we learned the white white white doo-wop classic “My Sha-La-La-La Locker’s Stuck.” I personally delivered the “rap” intro about my gerbil getting the flu. Comcast sez: this song was made for DJ Casper’s (ha!) friend’s aerobics class. My sister would never blast this at her spinning lessons, but I can kind of dig it at home. Nice arbitrary Charlie Brown shout-out.

INTERLUDE: Happy Birthday! and Various Shout-Outs. Speaking of shout-out, there’s something really weird about hearing these kids giving an official “shout out” to friends and family…they all actually start with “I’d like to give a shout out to…” in squeaky, nervous pre-pubescent voices, leading to such lines as “I’d like to give a shout out to my sister and Daddy and Mom” and, the closer, “I’d like to give a shout out to my friend Kevin. I hope he hears this, because we’re gonna be hanging out in the back yard until sundown or dinner, which is pretty soon.”

COMMERCIAL: A commercial for the US Mint. It’s about buffalo preservation or something. What the fuck?

Hampton the Hampster: The Hampster Dance
-this song will never die. MUST check out Radio Disney Jams Vol. 1 to ~17.

Ashlee Simpson: Pieces of Me
-booooooring. There’s just no hook for me to really hang on to here. Or am I missing something? I wasn’t really paying attention.

Avril Lavigne: Sk8er Boi
-OK, I officially kind of like this song. This is one that I’ve consciously avoided since whenever it came out, but it’s catchy and it has a melody. And it isn’t as overwrought as “Complicated,” which is an unfortunate standard for Avril to have set for herself. What the hell is up with this video (forget the song name) where she’s “not ready yet” and some skeez is trying to bang her in what looks like a dorm room. Then they steal the Bjork on rising platform move from that “Oh So Quiet” Spike Jonze video where everyone passed out from heat exhaustion. Fun fact: Avril: “I can write a song a day” (!).

Akon: Lonely
-Lukewarm about this song. I believe this album was #1 for at least two weeks according to the TESCO albums chart by my flat in London.

Lindsay Lohan: First
-I like this song. But the most notable thing about it is that it was voted Best Song to Watch Your Dad Sing To at the 2004 Radio Disney Awards. Note to self: Watch and/or attend the 2005 Radio Disney Awards. Hope I didn’t miss ‘em.

Jesse McCartney: Beautiful Soul (Cinderella Story OST)
-where did Jesse McCartney come from? Florida? Tell me it’s Florida. Back to Google I go.

The Click Five: Just the Girl
-these guys are Red Sox fans. I don’t remember what the song sounds like, remember it not being that interesting. I turned it off when Emily came in the room because it felt too much like it’d be scoring a private moment in a WB (strike that: Family Channel) romcom. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but Emily didn’t approve.

That’s all for now. For sticking around through all that, I will post a few songs by Nick Sylvester’s favorite band the Decemberists. I mean, Deerhoof. Live from Galaxies in San Francisco. That will happen Sunday, because I'm leaving for Philly now.