Anyway...
HOLY CRAP, Myspace networking is taking me to new dizzying heights of glorious teen pop bliss! Clickthroughs yield a few nice finds, while I simultaneously discover that Radio Disney incubaTor-chasing is FUNNER THAN POGS!
Without foither ado...
Ha*Ash
They're Mexican, they're great. I can't understand a single word of their profile so I can't spend too much time on this one (I'm currently hiring a translator)...but damn, you can't beat this sentence in ANY language:
Ha*Ash es un dueto pop de hermanas adolescentes
Aly and AJ wish they were un dueto pop de hermanas adolescentes...instead they're just boring old teenybopper SISTERS. Bleah, what a graceless language! All the more reason for me to buy everything these girls have ever recorded (which thankfully only consists of two moderately priced albums). Major plus: It's all awesome.
Jonas Brothers
Man oh man, these kids are gonna be huge. The great song I heard on Radio Disney the other day was "Mandy," which is what Simple Plan would sound like if they were 12-year-olds instead of 43-year-olds (or whatever) making music for 12-year-olds (which is still OK, I guess). How are these the same kids on the Aquamarine OST? Oh well, gotta pay yer dues. I think the Jonas Brothers will be very happy at Radio Disney in the near future. Like right now...according to the RD podcast, the Jonas Brothers are already tearin' things up:
Did you know that the Jonas Brothers were almost called the Jonas Brother? Nick, the youngest Jonas brother, has been singing ever since he could talk. He was actually discovered singing while getting his hair cut [OK, under what circumstances is it cool to sing while getting your hair cut? This sounds a bit like Skye Sweetnam's hairdresser claim to fame... -Ed.]. Soon Nick was writing songs for his solo CD along with his brothers Kevin and Joseph. When it came time to perform some of the songs for Nick's record label, the producers saw how talented his brothers were and signed them all on the spot!
This particular podcast goes on to mention that Chris Brown is a name YOU WILL NOT FORGET. That was before the kids KICKED his ass to the curb, 68% to 32%. Sorry dude, these boys n' girls are BRUTAL!
Amy Diamond
She's Swedish, she's 13, and that picture scares the shit out of me for some reason (are her eyes airbrushed or something?). This one's tentatively a head-smacking overlook of 2005 (haven't heard the whole album yet, maybe the rest is crap), although I wouldn't be surprised if some of it still counts for 2006 consideration. Nothing too special about the Myspace, but the music retains a kiddie glitz that's becoming increasingly rare in American tween fare. The kids are growing up (or being grown up) too damn fast these days! Back in my day we all thought the Offspring was profound; now kids are getting off on other people's therapy sessions!
Jeannie Ortega
Hollywood Records is pushing this one pretty hard -- Puerto Rican pop diva hopeful Jeannie is getting equal billing with Hilary and Jesse without even having an album out yet! The first single, "Crowded," isn't terrible, just nothing remarkable. (Cameo by Papoose is pretty uninspired, too..."double your money like a 'prophet'"? TRY HARDER, PLEASE.) Like JoJo and J-Lo, but not enough JoJo (why don't I just listen to JoJo instead?). The album's called No Place Like Bklyn...maybe a Reggaeton Nino (or two) will one day make a similar transition. Congratulations to Hollywood Records on a major sweep at the Radio Disney Awards the other night...who woulda thought? Also, RD Kids take note: "Walking on Sunshine" is NOT the best song to listen to on your way to school (Crazy Frog got shut out in that category, too! But losing in the "critter" category is totally inexcusable).
Jillian Wheeler
Another indie kid with a seriously impressive resume:
Jillian has performed with some of today's hottest teen musical acts including JoJo, Hilary Duff, Aaron Carter, Bowling for Soup, Skye Sweetnam, Lil' Romeo, Stevie Brock, Justin Guarini (American Idol Fame), The Beu Sisters, Angel Faith, Nikki Cleary, Casey, Bandcamp, Jada, Fan 3 and many more.
Not to mention her debut album has production input with cred from all over the map: Alanis, Jewel, Aimee Mann, Arthur Lee and Love (?!!)...and the whole thing is being engineered by Nick Walusco of the Wondermints (let's hope he'll provide some back-up vocals). The songs seem half-decent (hard to tell with limited samples...come on, get with the times, even Disney is fully streaming now!), might be an interesting album. More interesting if she works in "the snot caked against my pants/ has turned to crystal."
Jessie Daniels
Just got thrown in the incubaTor, decent Kelly Clarkson lite with the JESUS AMPED UP TO 11!! She's the most pious of the new punks...Jesus is one of her Myspace friends fer [edit]sake!! I LOVE JESSIE DANIELS!!! WILL YOU MARRY ME PLEASE???
I love Jesus. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my producer. I love puppies. I love coffee. I love NY. I love music. I love driving with the windows down. I love Dr.Pepper. I love kung fu movies. I love meeting new people. I love singing. I love shopping. I love smiles. I love coconut jelly bellies. I love the sun. I love the beach. I love chocolate-covered ants. I love traveling. I love hugs & kisses. I love makeup. I love washing my face. I love being in love. I love feeling at peace with God. I love concerts. I love dancing. I love kentucky basketball. I love laughing. I love being me.
I love you being you, too. But how do you feel about Rihanna?
THE BEST PART OF LISTENING TO AMY DIAMOND IS BEING ABLE TO EASILY AVOID DIRECT EYE CONTACT
Amy Diamond - What's In It for Me?
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