Meet the Beaties!

The new face of teenpop (again)...

They said it couldn't be done, and they were wrong. Friends and lurkers, it can be done. It has been done. It will be done again, bigger, better, stronger.

For months now (well, one), a little birdy in my mind has asked me the same question again and again...

Who are THE BEATIES?

The Beaties are the world's greatest Type 1 diabetic girl group (at least since the world's first and possibly only diabetic girl group, The Pump Girls -- more on them later).

With imminent hits like "We Got the Sugar in Our Blood (Beaties Theme)," "Your Love Is Like Ketones," and "I'm Low," the Beaties are poised to take the teenpop community by storm!

Some logistics are necessary, and I give this all away only because I think it is TOO GOOD an idea to keep from the public:

The Beaties consist of four or five girls age approx. 14-18, all Type 1 diabetics (maybe one Type 2 to keep with current trends), all of them major singing and/or songwriting talents (what with this being an ultra-modern co-authorship operation) and all ready to convey their ANGST in digestible pop form.

Here's what previous ventures missed, albeit largely due to circumstances/general music climate: the Beaties need confessional rock. There is NO other template/genre/whatever that fully engages with the complex physical and psychological issues facing children and teens struggling with juvenile diabetes. What we need (we being the core audience -- Type 1 teenpop enthusiasts) is an Aly and AJ-like pairing of dread and optimism.

And, what's more, confessional rock needs the Beaties. Limping after attacks on its authenticity, Kelly/Ashlee/Lindsay confessional is down but not out. The Beaties are inherently authentic, and appeal (theoretically) to the same twin (pun intended) attractions of a group like the Veronicas: (1) unconscious contextual reinforcement (real-life diabetics vs. real-life twins) of any claim to performance "authenticity," even if this is a fundamentally dubious distinction (we're just talking about sidestepping widespread stupid prejudice here, anyway) and (2) RIGHTEOUS TUNES.

Yes, the Beaties write their own songs -- with some help from mysterious and elusive co-author Brian Bettis. Some will play their own instruments. They will use NO DISCERNIBLE AUTOTUNE. Er, discernibly.

He doesn't know it yet, but Brian Lukow is slated to manage/secure intellectual property rights, both of which need to be AIRTIGHT before we even write one note on the page or lay down one track (just kiddin', we're preparing some instrumental demos as we speak). Advantages of the Beaties over his previous effort, Huckapoo (which, I maintain, was the victim of factors beyond artistic or marketing control):

(1) Know your (niche) audience. Teenpop cannot be mass marketed in 2007 (as such) unless it is thoroughly supported by a major media conglomerate, e.g. Disney. Huckapoo and co. understand this all too well. Of course the Beaties will be making strategic ties with Radio Disney and Hollywood Records, getting on the next available Disney soundtrack, etc., possibly with an innocuous and grossly misrepresentative cover of "Sugar Sugar" or something. Anyway, point is, you gotta MAKE your audience in teenpop these days, and we're gonna make it if we have to tour every school, hospital, and stadium (wishful thinking) in the country. Huckapoo, great as they are, are singing into the wind because hypocritical audiences have turned their backs. Their loss, sure, but it's the ARTISTS who suffer most. Anyone turning their backs on a group of superstar Type 1 diabetics would have to be such a despicable character as to merit greater public scorn than any confessional starlet could muster from even the lowliest tabloid or musical opinion-havin' idiot.

(2) THE TUNES. I'm telling you, these will be great (not that Huckapoo's aren't, but they're livin' in 2000). The songs are all unfinished -- CO-AUTHORSHIP IS KEY. We do not move forward without THE PERFECT GROUP. That means a national talent search. Most songs will be in the confessional mode, with nods to dance-pop, hip-hop, and R&B, pending Dr. Luke's involvement.

Now here's a special note to the Pump Girls...I love what you do. I didn't realize you even existed until I googled it this very night in preparation for this post and I was surprised and thrilled. For those not in the know, which I imagine is a lot of you, the Pump Girls formed in 1998 under the guidance of H.B. Barnum, onetime backup singer for the Coasters, writer of Dodie Stevens's #3 hit "Pink Shoelaces" in 1959 (his first success), and later a collaborator with the Temptations, the Jacksons, and many more. The PGs have had a rotating roster since then, with one remaining member still in the group.

Certainly the PGs' input and support would be great, so they should NOT hesitate to contact me. This isn't just about building an audience, after all, it's also about building a community. In that spirit, I'm linking to the songs that are available for download. I recommend "A1C," which (hope you don't mind) I've linked to at the end of this post for a limited time (just got my A1C checked and it's not looking great but better than it has been...see, when I say support and community, I mean it).

Download music by THE PUMP GIRLS

A few further notes:

I am open to cross-marketing with existing diabetes products and organizations. However, savvy marketers and interested allies should be aware that direct plugs for pump or other diabetes products -- or prefab feel-good messages in the music itself (not to say we won't make LOTS of charity appearances) -- will seriously limit our potential audience and will be a total hindrance to the songwriting process. "Basal rates and life is great"...I can understand this sentiment in, say, 2000 (and the PGs have been around even longer, since '98, which makes them practically proto-teenpop), but in 2007 you can, I would argue, reach just as large an audience by conveying the frustration and anger unique to young diabetics while still retaining a positive message. In fact, it will enrich the music.

The key to modern confessional is in its kinaesthetic element (an aspect that seems relatively unexplored, given the sometimes astonishing lyrical revelations -- how the music LITERALLY moves you, which, I think, is markedly different from, for instance, dance music). I believe that diabetics are particularly in tune with how their bodies are interacting, whether conciously or not, with the world around them -- a song like "I Live for the Day" makes you MOVE, and likewise I want this music to make audiences feel it while they think about it. I want the crunch, the drive, the wind at the back.

But hey, let's not pigeonhole the sound. The Beaties are just as chameleonic as they need to be, absorbing whatever convention suits them to get their messages across. Of course confessional is apt, but confessional itself is not just a genre -- it's more of a state of mind. Dance can be confessional. Britney Europop could be confessional, though at this point it might come across as simple revivalism and seem kinda campy, unless we can also enlist Jorgen Elofsson (we could try to convince major producers that they could count this as a tax deductible in-kind contribution, or just cut the demos that will BLOW THEM AWAY).

With a little help and some perseverance -- and hopefully the expressed interest of several major media conglomerates -- I truly believe that THE BEATIES could become a reality. Let's make it happen!!!

The Pump Girls - A1C