• Emily unwittingly purchased stunna shades for $5 from a street vendor. We now play "Stunner Shades" when exiting our apartment and it makes us feel generally awesome.
• Before listening to this compilation, I did not know what a stunna was. According to Shake da Mayor, it's related to pimpin'. I repeat: it's related to pimpin'.
• "Stewy" refers not to the "Family Guy" character ("Stewie"); it is, rather, a variant on "stupid," as in "S-T-U-P-I-D/ When we go to the club we don't need I.D." This, in turn, is related to, but not synonymous with "going dumb," which is a dance that I have yet to figure out. So to get "stewy," which itself is "cuckoo, bananas" (did Gwen find her way to the Bay area?), one should procure him or herself some:
• Grapes, which is the purple coloring distinguishing high-quality marijuana. "I got purple/ I got grapes."
• "Yadada" can precede just about any word, thus enriching it with social and comedic significance. Yadadapost, Yadadachaff, etc.
• To acquire grapes, one must first acquire gouda, cheddar, scrill. Ca$h.
• Once one has acquired gouda and grapes, thus established credibility, he or she can purchase an appropriately ostentatious pair of stunna shades. Larger men (and women) require "alien stunnas," called this because of their resemblance to large bug-eyed alien creatures (cf. "The X-Files," Close Encounters of the Third Kind).
• Stunna shades, though large, are about "looking clean, not looking goofy." Emily, e.g., does not look goofy, even though she does look buglike ("alien"). A successful stunna owns several pairs of stunna shades: a pair for the car, a pair for the airplane, a pair (preferably diamond-encrusted) to wear on tour. Emily has, to date, only purchased one relatively functional pair of stunna shades, but may consider investing in a creddier model in the future.
• Stunna shades can be worn in the following places: school, work, church, court.
• Stunna shades should not be worn in the following places: (n/a)
Hyphy music may be most in line with teenpop's intended audience -- pre-teens and adults -- because of its consistent instructional and novelty value. It employs the following novelty tools:
• Funny high-pitched voices
• Kid choruses (real or created electronically via funny high-pitched voices)
• Fun new slang words (e.g. "grapes," "stunna shades," "yadada____," "stupid," "stewy," "gouda," etc.)
• Spelling
• Big fat synth sounds
• Unique dance moves that involve looking both stupid and "STUPID" (e.g. "Go Dumb")
• Frequent invocation of donuts, which are fun (but very dangerous)
• Several references to funny planets (Mars, Jupiter, etc.)
• Large sunglasses that, despite not being about looking goofy, do often look a little goofy, if clean
• Funny sound effects (sirens, screams, etc.)
In conclusion, Hyphy Hitz is an excellent collection of agreeable songs well worth purchasing at your local record store.
2. Damn, why are Stylus film reviewers such fuddy-duddies?
In some circles, the very presence of a tabloid starlet as consummate as Lindsay Lohan is enough to mark a film for certain death. Such actresses—suddenly that word seems dangerously loaded, but yes, they are usually actresses—are so fervently detested that even their successes are considered incidental to rather than indicative of their involvement.
All I heard was "fuh fuh Lindsay Lohan fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh." I hope I'm not fervently detested. What's "dangerous" about loading a word, unless yr loading it with gunpowder or something?
3. I've reluctantly decided that Sophie Ellis-Bextor's album is better than Rihanna's by about point 2 Pfork points (approx. 7.7 vs. 7.5).
4. Ulrich Schnauss's Goodbye is in a distant second place in the Low-Key Techno Nap Album of the Year category. Pantha Du Prince may well end up in the top ten barring serious competition (of which I hope there is a bunch).
5. Let's talk about irony. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Guest post written by my #1 stunna to follow discussing "My Humps" in its original and utterly bastardized Alanis versions. As per this convo, still ongoing, with Abby Poptext. "You're in two different worlds," says Emily, "you're both not explaining your angles, although they become somewhat clear pretty quickly. She jumped right into the fem thing, and you jumped right into the humor thing, without explaining how you got those views from watching the video." To be continued?
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